Thursday 27 August- 2026: Hi all!

 Hello! I’m Echo, before I get into anything I just want to say that that is not my real government name. ‘Echo Shie’ is an alias, while ‘Echo’ is my chosen name only one person actually uses it for me. My best friend and crush, but we’ll get into that on a later date. And ‘Shie’ is a cute abbreviation of my last name. 

I wanna write on here at least ones a week, I don’t care about views or attention or love, I just need something to do. Something to share my interests and thoughts and daily activities because I really need that right now. I’m hurting. I realised how bad I was hurting yesterday.

I love my family, I have a very warm, very loving group of people I can call my loved ones and I’m so grateful for that. However, my mental health has been going down hill fast and I’m feeling helpless to stop it. Before I go any further I want to make it clear that this is not a venting blog or anything like that, it’s just about me and my life. So- yesterday I went to visit the corporation that normally provides my therapy (although that’s been on hold for quite a while thanks to issues on there end) it started off terribly so thee were two people with my name in for an appointment at THE SAME TIME, now, I have quite a unique name (well unique in England anyway, I’m told that it’s actually Irish!) so this was very surprising and in hindsight, funny. So I, along with my mum and dad, was taken into a room with 4+ people who we had never met. They didn’t look confused or anything and said they had met us before but then we were saved by the receptionist who took us to the right place. I feel bad for that other girl, whose team was obviously not paying enough attention if they couldn’t tell her from a complete stranger.

Anyway- when we actually did get to the right meeting we were told it was going to be a family therapy session which is not what we were expecting but fine I guess. It was going fine, and then my stupid ass decided to bring up him. For the sake of anonymity let’s call him ‘R’. R is my ex. Ex everything. Ex boyfriend, ex best friend, ex a-fucking-buser. He’s out of my life now, but for two years he was the centre of it. We stared off as close friends, he was funny and sweet and I was drawn to him but then he asked me out and since the reason I had started talking to R in the first place was because I had a crush I was ecstatic. It lasted 4 days. FOUR DAYS. Can you believe that!? A hold speech about his I was sweet and caring and bla fucking bla. And I got two days. We didn’t even see each other those days, just texted, anyway, this was the start of at least 5 relationships with him. Every time he broke up with me by text, every time either after a hard conversation or out of the blue. But I always took him back because I was obsessed with how he treated me! I couldn’t see the bad only the good. 

He was my first kiss, we were laying on my bed at the time I was happy, a bit shuck but happy. He didn’t ask me first which is something I hate now honestly. He was also really violent which it, at the time I just thought he was nervous. I’m not so sure now. My lip swelled up after it, and I couldn’t even say it was worth it because it was fast and painful and he would get mad at me if I showed the pain. Even back then I knew that. R was sweet but sensitive, he would ignore me if I annoyed him and sometimes I had no idea What set him off. It mad me feel like shit. 

I remember one time slightly later in my relationship when basically all we did was tongue kiss and make out, he was over at my place and everything was fine, I lay down on my back for I minute when we first got to my room because I was exhausted. But he pinned my there and started kissing me, I didn’t like that, it scared me honestly, but he had that look in his eye and I had already annoyed him once that day and he was starting to pout when I got up so I just… lay back down again. And he kept going. 

He was also incredibly coercive, he’d get all annoyed when I would be with others. When I’d be with my friends he’d have to be there with me, or he’d try and distract me, or vent to me so I’d have to go off and have a private conversation with him. A couple times I’d send him a picture of me and a friend and he’d be dry with me for hours. Anytime I hugged someone else, teased someone else, was touching them in any way I could feel his stare. 

That’s the part my parents know about, only that bit, the controlling part. I’ve never shared the other part with anyone, not the kissing, not the way he touched to far up my thigh, (once he even touched my 🐱 and I nearly started crying out of fear, he apologised for that one tho so I think is was an accident), not the way he’d sometimes touch my butt when we stud. It just made me uncomfortable. Well it dose now at least. At the time I was confusing my squeezing chest for excitement, for butterflies, for love, because that was the first reall relationship I was ever in. 

But now I know the truth. I can feel it crawling in my skin when I think of him. He terrified me.

But anyway I brought R up and nearly threw up, and then I couldn’t let it go. Like I’m obsessed with him. I’m not. I hope. Do you want to know the worst part? I was 12. Yeah I know, I’m nearly 14 now and I know it’s not much of a difference but Holly shit, he was the same age but that doesn’t make it better.

Anyway, that got really dark really fast lol, I’m sorry to whoever is reading this, although I doubt anyone will be. 

I started dating his (ex) best friend about 3 months after the last time we broke up, she (yes I’m bisexual, sue me) was sweet and there for me the hole time during the brake up, but I’ve never told her about his behaviour. Our relationship didn’t last long, tho I did have strong feelings for her I’ve come to realise that they were more platonic love then anything else. 

I’ve also almost finished the book I’m writing! I’m so excited, I think I’m going to use this user name as my pen name, I’ve always wanted to be an author ever since I was small, but I’ve never really thought about a pen name. 

Anyway, I’ll tell you more about that next week! See you then! (If anyone’s there) xx